After months of investigations into the potential reasons why we lost Spud at 20 weeks, we were presented with a few likely scenarios. Although we will never be 100% sure, there were theories behind our loss:1) A Weak Cervix
2) Infection
3) Factor V Leiden
4) A combination of all/some of the above
Initially diagnosed as Lupus. Clare has a genetic disorder of blood clotting that is increased during pregnancy. This inherited disorder has a direct impact on the "stickiness" of Clare's blood which has a tendency to clot far too easily. The result of this could have caused a blood clot on the placenta and stopped food supplies reaching Baby Spud. Without prior knowledge and specific testing for Factor V, it is something we would never have known about.
Now we know the implications of the disorder we can do something to prevent future clotting, the only thing is, the prevention is very painful and a daily occurrence.
I received training on how to inject Fragmin 5000 into Clare's stomach within days of finding out about the pregnancy. Grab some skin, jab in the needle without releasing the bubble prior and squeeze in the viscous fluid. What was not explained fully was what happened within in seconds of administering the dose.
Clare has described it in numerous ways, the actual injection part is the same as any other, a sharp scratch. What follows is an intense burning sensation that has reduced her to tears on many an occasion. Weeks after each injection the bruise marks are still enlarged, black and rarely fading. We both dread the daily reminder, the little ping from our phones that brings to the forefront of our minds what is about to happen, again.
From Clare's point of view, as the pregnancy has progressed, the amount of "loose skin" available has decreased, bruised areas increased and the burning sensation remains.
In awe of Clare and what she has endured , knowing that every day this HAS to happen to give us what we both desire. There have been tantrums, refusals and many teary nights but she still embraces the pain with gritted teeth. From my eyes it is a different side to the pain. I swore to always protect Clare from harm, upset, pain, always to be there for her to help, yet I am the one, who, on a daily basis reduces Clare to tears. Some nights seeing her writhing in pain I can do no more than hold her hand, other nights having to walk away as I cannot bear to see her in so much agony that I had inflicted. If I could, I would happily take the injections for her...at least till the bruising subsided, but unfortunately we must continue.
For three months after Baby Sparkles arrives, Clare will have to have this fire inducing drug administered and although the looser skin will return, the pain will remain the same.
