baby heatbeats

Entering the third trimester meant brought a new experience in the pregnancy.  Listening to the whoop whoops of the baby heart beat.  I find it very therapeutic and relaxing, Clare is constantly looking at the numbers and worrying (well, most of the time)

It all started in January 2016.  Clare was getting used to the daily movements and jiggles that her little resident liked to do.  We both enjoyed watching her belly move and jiggle at random intervals and there is nothing a satisfying yet strangely unnerving at feeling the baby move from.  At first the experience was a little too much for me to take in, but as the movements progress it is a daily routine

On the 11th January 2016, we had not seen these movement and jiggles for a good 24-48 hours so concerns started to kick in.  With what we have been through in the last 3 years, we knew the hospital would not mind just doing a little check for us, so with Chewie's bags packed we dropped him off with my Auntie for babysitting and off we went to Maternity Triage

As soon as we were on the monitor we relaxed.  Baby was wriggling and jiggling away without a care in the world and the heart beat was pulsing perfectly.  With my Ma n Pa in Australia and Clare's folks on tenterhooks, we updated them and told them not to panic, all is fine.  There were 3 other ladies in the triage room, all hooked up the their own monitors, each producing the rhythmic whooping.  It feels like you are swimming, head submerged and just listening to the world go by.  As I said, immensely soothing...for me.

We collected little Chewie and returned home feeling much more confident and secure.

3 days later, I was in meetings in my new role at Bunzl.  Knowing that Clare's dad was spending the afternoon with her, I was happy to put my phone on silent so I could focus on the new role.  After a monstrous 3 hour meeting, I checked my mobile, 2 missed calls and a message saying "Call me". My heart stopped.  I rang Clare's mobile, twice, no answer.  I rang home, no answer, I rang Clare's Dad, "Everything is fine, Clare has not felt the baby move and was worrying so I took her to triage". 

Breathe!

The phone is not going on silent anymore

Thankfully, again, everything was fine although baby may have turned from the breach position to a more enganged "launch" position.  The pains Clare is feeling could also be contractions.  The hospital decided that this is something they cannot ignore and arranged for Clare to come back on Monday's and Thursday's until the stitch is removed on 2nd Feb 

On the 18th Clare was informed that the contractions were either genuine (as they were still happening) or they could be Braxton Hicks.  She was told to go home and relax and return in a couple of days....relax?

Sunday 31st January.

Clare had not been feeling great all morning, even turning down our traditional Sunday full English for fear of being sick, and will no feeling of baby movements we decided to give maternity a quick call.

We were on M2 minutes later hooked up to the monitoring system yet again. With potential contractions and baby's heart beat doing fine we were advised to wait for a doctors opinion before calling it a day.  The life saving stitch was due to come out in two days, but if the contractions and pains continued it may need to be removed a little earlier.

The registrar arrived and looked at the monitor readings.  Her decision was to removed the stitch and keep Clare in over night with the idea of a scan in the morning to determine the baby position and then go from there.  Phone calls to the family began, explaining what was about to happen.  The realisation that things are happening actually hit home, I was excited, elated but also petrified! I know Clare was feeling the same.

10 minutes later the registrar returned...there is no room at the inn and the kings are not enroute.  The stitch will be staying in place and the plan of removal on Tuesday remains.  Back on the phone to family, breathe again, relax!

Since this date, we have had 4 new monitor sessions, baby is still in the correct position, however the contractions have now stopped.  Baby is content, baby is staying put for now....

Setting up the Nursery

When Clare moved into my bachelor pad and started making changes for the better, one of the first rooms to go was my study.  I had housed my PC, office stuff and movie memorabilia in this room, but as it was now to become a couples household it was time to clear out the junk.

The room has had multiple transformations since.  Box room, washing room, back to a boy's room, back to a box room.  We live in a two bedroom apartment, but realistically, only one bedroom is functional.

When we found out about Spud, we started the process of transforming the unused area into a nursery.  After our tragedy the room slowly deteriorated into a box/storage room once again and the nursery furniture went into storage.

As you can probably imagine, the drive to set this room up as a nursery once more was something we knew had to be done, but were reluctant to start for fear of never actually filling it.

At the end of December 2015, we were in to the third trimester and more confident about the future of the room.  Not knowing if Baby Sparkles would have a preference to Blue or Pink, choosing the colour of the room is not the easiest.  We tried variations of greens, greys and yellows, finally settling on Lemon Sorbet.  Neutral enough, but also colorful to bring brightness to the room.

Next was our trip to Ikea for storage, wardrobes and the compulsory random impulse buy (normally candles, but on this occasion it was a wooden spoon).  A great friend of mine detests the winding trails of Ikea and starts to palpitate at the mere mention of the Swedish firm, but Clare and I are a fan of bookshelves called Billy and tables called Sven.  Being on strict bed rest, Clare insisted on supervising our excursion, so we acquired a suitable mode of transport for her and roamed the flat pack heavens for our furniture of choice.

My Ma had saved the original family Moses basket that had been a safe haven for my brother, myself, my niece and my nephew over the years, and it had been saved for one more member of the clan.  Re-designed with our new choice of bedding, there was enough fabric left over to make a little feeding cushion and curtains for our nursery.  Clare's mum had made us a "nappy cake" which was linked to our Lemon Sorbet design and incorporated Clare's original nappy pin, christening cake stork and wedding flower.  It was a shame to dismantle so we left it pride of place on our newly constructed cabinet for a few weeks to admire.

With everything now set up, we just needed final touches going in to personalise it, maybe a little Star Wars somewhere, a little Lego, you know, the things that make a room just perfect.

Now we just need a little person to join us to call it their own

28 Week Scan

I'm forever blowing bubbles

It had been just over three weeks since we had been in Bolton Hospital, a personal best for the both of us during the pregnancy.

Clare and I had both felt the baby kicking and wriggling around (obviously Clare more than me) and on the night before the scan, Clare was having a little relax in the bath watching little tiny movements on her belly bump.  It is truly magic.

We always feel a little nervous before scans because of our previous history, however, the comfort of knowing that our scan today would be performed by no other than the lovely Lynne, put our minds at rest.

Baby Sparkles had grown and changed so much since we last saw, and was performing for us as well.  Sticking toes in the mouth and blowing bubbles.

My mum came with us as she is off to Australia in a couple of weeks and may miss the birth of Sparkles.  If we would have told her that we were expecting before they had booked they would have changed their mind.  We could not deny them this experience.  Seeing how happy this little munchkin made Nanna Davies was a really proud moment.

We now have a wheelchair for Clare, so I am able to take her out of the house, which has become a little prison for her at the moment.  Also, we are nipping to Ikea this week to purchase the nursery wardrobes and such, things are becoming so much more real in the new year our family unit will be expanding.

The Glycerin Magic Plaster

At 4pm Saturday 14th November, Clare had booked for me to go to the cinema as a little treat but had started to feel extremely tired so I told her to go to bed and I would stay home.  I tend to go to the cinema most Saturday nights whilst X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing are on TV as I am not a fan of this tripe TV, but after the water infection incident I am a little cautious sometimes to venture out and into mobile silence for a couple of hours whilst Clare is feeling under the weather.

A couple of hours later Clare came into the front room and lay on the couch in preparation for some ballroom action only to feel something was not quite right.  On inspection she noticed a brown mucus discharge that looked a little like old blood.  Without hesitation Clare was on the phone to Maternity Triage and I was frantically throwing clothes, supplies and a pack of cards into a bag.  Minutes later we were being admitted into the central delivery suite as a precautionary measure.

At 8pm the doctors in CDU did an examination of the cervix and determined that the cervical stitch that had been put in a couple of week ago had caused a rupture on the Anterior Cervical Lip.  This would need to be padded to stop the bleed and assessed further once the hemorrhage stopped.  As Clare is on blood thinning injections due to her Factor V Leiden the bleeding was adamant not to stop but after a good hour and lots of cotton pads the wound seemed to be clotted.

Clare was advised to rest for an hour and then see how things go.  At 10pm Clare got out of the bed to use the toilet but was rushed back into bed as the wound had seemingly opened again.  This is when things got a little serious.  The doctors told us that the stitch was causing the rupture and will more than likely have to be removed if they could not seal the bleed.  As they could not confirm 100% where the bleed was coming from they may have to deliver baby for safety of mother and child.  Clare was again advised to rest and see if the bleeding stopped and try to move in another hour to see the result.

After another long hour, Clare followed the instructions and stood up once more and headed towards the bathroom...no blood.  She then used the facilities and all seemed ok. On her way back to the bed it happened all over again.  Doctors rushed in and this time seemed more equipped.  This time the applied a glycerin mesh to the wound which would act as a sponge but also secure itself to the rupture and hopefully seal.  This was after they tried cauterising and applying another stitch, both of which were unsuccessful, adamant not to remove the cervical stitch this was our best hope.

At 3am Clare stood up after resting for a further hour, no blood, went to the toilet, nothing, maybe the little gel patch had worked it's magic.  We settled in for the night, Clare in her comfy(ish) bed and me with my ridged chair, it was going to be a long night.

The morning came too soon and observations were done.  No bleeding, the glycerin magic was doing it's sole purpose and doing it well.  We were both just drained of energy.

Clare was moved to ward M2 in the evening to stay a further night with observations and the second steroid injection.  We had been on this ward only two weeks prior with the stitch operation.  Staff were becoming a little too familiar, but we cannot thank them enough.

We are not just short of 25 weeks in and have seen more hospitals, doctors and scans than ever but Baby Sparkles is still doing great, parents are struggling but focusing on the same end goal.  We will keep fighting, we will keep strong for each other and when Sparkles finally decides to join us in person he/she will be treasured forever knowing how much suffering, both mentally and physically, we have been through to this point.

Another Major Milestone

Another Major Milestone

Even though Clare's new stitch had gone in place without any hiccups we were still nervous waiting for the 24 week scan.  As we approached the reception desk we were greeted by a familiar "Hello". The staff had become accustomed to our regular visits and started to recognise us.  I don't know if this is a good thing, but as the staff are fantastic and so helpful I am regarding it as a positive.

Having an earlier than usual appointment, we were called into the scan room within minutes of arrival and the scan commenced.  Now I know I am not trained in any way about looking at scan pictures, but I feel that the amount of these scans I have attended, I am getting a little knowledge of what things look like.  The new stitch was really prominent and seemed like a cable tie at the head of the cervix, and the funneling which I had seen time and time again seem to be gone, but I had to asked to confirm my findings.

The sonographer was more amazed by the stitch itself, she had not seen one like this before.  The cervix wall had increased to 3.4cm and the funneling had disappeared.  Clare and I could breath a little, the stress, panic, worry, anxiety of the last 6 weeks had gone.

20 minutes later we were in the clinic meeting to confirm the scan findings.  Happy with how the cervix was looking and the increase that was evident we were told that the regular two week scans are now being increased to monthly scans.  Our next scan at 28 weeks will be solely for a growth check on baby.

We were also given dates of importance, at the 33 weeks stage Clare will start a course of steroids to help baby grow stronger and at 36 weeks the stitch will be removed.  Normally when the stitch is removed baby is quick to follow, but just to be safe we are booked in for inducement at 38 weeks which will be the 16th February 2016.

After our great news, we purchased our first outfit for Baby Sparkles and started looking through the boxes that went into my parents loft a couple of years ago.  Clare is now talking about baby and feeling as though she can start to bond, something that she has feared doing since we found out out our blessing.

A Stitch in Time

22 Weeks Scan and the Cervical Stitch

Sat waiting, waiting in the whitest room i have ever been in.  Just waiting.

It is 11:50am on the 28th October 2015, and I am waiting.  Clare has just been taken to theatre in the Central Delivery Suite, and I can do nothing more than wait for her to come back.

Yesterday we left the house feeling confident, it was the day of our 22 weeks scan.  Clare had been on bed rest for 4 weeks and was hoping to go back to work on light duties.  All we needed to hear was that the cervix had not shortened and was still doing as strong. Anything above 3 cm and we were on track.  I had made sure for the last few weeks that Clare had done nothing, the same four walls, the same routine, and Chewie was adapting well to the lazy days.

The scan rooms were very busy, so we had to wait for a while.  Our new sonographer had read Clare's notes and was up to speed, straight away the cervix was being measured and confirmed at 3.2cm.  The bed rest was working and Clare could go back to work for a few weeks before our next scan.  While the notes were being written we waited, happily smiling, confident.  We always take a sneaky look at the notes before handing them in, just to keep ourselves informed before the clinic meeting.  The measurements said 2.3cm, she did say 3.2 didn't she?  We went back and queried this variance.  The initial measurement, the one that gave us confidence, was the whole cervix wall.  The new 2.3cm measurement was the real crunch, Clare has been funneling for a while, this is were the cervix begins to open and the 2.3 cm was the measurement from the mouth of the funnel to the outer wall.  This was the area that had always been measured.  So 2 weeks ago it was above 3.7cm, and now, after all the bed rest we thought was helping it had dropped 1.5cm.  Anything below 2.5cm is very weak and within serious risk of giving up.

Before we had even had chance to digest this new finding, Clare was admitted to hospital with a pending cervical stitch to be inserted in the morning.  

So here I am waiting, what time is it? 11:55am, it has been 5 minutes? only 5 minutes??

Before we came down to theatre, one of the consultants had explained that there were two outcomes of this procedure, and only two outcomes.

Outcome one: The stitch goes in and Clare comes out of theatre and into recovery

Outcome two: The stitch goes in and there are complications, baby comes out sleeping 

The procedure, I was told, would only take 20 mins to half and hour, but I didn't realise how long this half hour would be.

After 35 minutes I think I stopped breathing, every footstep down the corridor I was waiting for news, doctors, surgeons, midwives all walking past the white room and still no update.  Every time I heard someone walking toward the open door, I sat up hoping that they were coming to tell me everything was fine, but nothing.  I understand that Clare and baby are the most important people right now, but please don't forget about the poor husband and father sat there in this whiter than white room with no update, nothing, just waiting

Waiting

Eventually a surgeon came into my white room and explained that everything is fine, and Clare the stitch procedure is now in action, the reason for the delay was down to Clare refusing to have any strong veins, and equipment to be cleaned, the set up took longer than expected.  She took me to the recovery room and explained that Clare would be around 20-30 minutes and then she would be joining me.

Another 20 to 30 minutes more! More waiting!

When Clare arrived in the recovery room looking like nothing had happened, she commented that I was looking rather pasty and teary! No wonder ! The procedure had been a success and the stitch had been put in place perfectly.  No issues, no concerns.  Clare was kept in hospital for another 24 hours purely to observe and keep a close eye.

After an uneventful and lonely night Clare is now back home and resting.  Every twitch, twinge, ache or groan makes my heart stop a little.  We have come too close now to lose hope, we have been given an extra bit of strength to carry on but I know at the 24 week scan we will not enter as confident.

Thankfully, now, this stitch will hold in the baby for another few months and give Clare the strength to carry on.  The stitch will be removed around 36 weeks mark, and baby should follow pretty quickly after this.

So we are now waiting, waiting for the happy day to come.  Still anxious, still nervous but still waiting

20 Weeks Scan

Tuesday 13th October

We awoke with a feeling of anticipation, worry and stress although neither of us had to acknowledge it, we both knew how each other was feeling.

We were about to enter an unknown void, a place that we had not been to before, the 20 week scan.

Spud had been born sleeping at 19 weeks and 6 days, other other angels had passed before the 9 week scan, so 20 weeks is a serious milestone for Clare and I.

Clare had been on serious bed rest for two weeks and although we had a few little scares along the way, the bed rest was serious.  A cushion to raise her feet whilst on the reclining chairs in the living room or special pillows in bed to make her lie more comfortably, we are not messing about.

No - we are not having 6 babies!

As we entered the scan room, our sonographer, who feels like she has become an integral part of our journey , jumped straight into action finding the all too precious heartbeat.  She then proceeded to do a full scan of lungs, kidneys, legs, arms, lips, face, pretty much everything except the area that could give us any indication to which colour clothes we should be buying.  A further scan of Clare's cervix showed that the thickness had increased. Not just a slight increase as per our last scan, but back to the 3.7mm grade.  A perfect result.

We are now at the 20 weeks stage and things are starting to look our way.  With two more scan at the 22 and 24 weeks to monitor the cervix length and funneling we are still not out of the woods, but we have a good idea of the path to the clearing.

With this result we are now happy to announce our great news to our family.