Instructions not included

Our first month with Isabella

We arrived home from the hospital still checking our hand outs for the instruction manual.  Although seemingly prepared for what lay ahead, as we crossed the threshold to our 2 bedroom apartment, we had left as a couple and returned a triple.

My brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew had ventured from the warmer climes of the country to join us on this momentous day and were waiting at my parents house for notification that we had settled and were ready for a quick visit.

Little Tiny Isabella first settled into my little niece’s arms, snug but so tiny.  I remember holding my niece for the very first time many years ago and being in the same rigid, uncomfortable position for fear of breaking such a tiny and fragile object.  She was now here, looking proud and holding her cousin with adoration.

Once Aunty Sazzer, Uncle Bro, my littlest nephew, Nanner and Granddad all had their cuddles it was time to call it a night.  We knew that Isabella, whilst sleepy, had an eventful night ahead and we needed to prepare. 

All I remember was sitting staring at her for pretty much most of the night, how could she be so perfect.  Our daughter, our princess, ours to keep, cherish and adore forever.

Isabella had plans for us over the coming nights, she wanted company throughout the early hours and she would not let us sleep.  We worked out that this could be down to an oversight with Clare’s continuing injections.  Throughout the pregnancy, Clare had to be on a blood thinning injection called Fragmin, and although painful whilst being administered it gave Clare a little boost.  Normally injected in the morning, Clare was buzzing for the rest of the afternoon, however after the cervical stitch was put in place the injections moved to an evening.  From this point on Clare struggled to sleep for long most nights.  This adrenaline buzz could be being passed to Isabella via breast feeding hence the hyperactivity in the twilight hours.  We decided to move her onto formula only to avoid her becoming addicted to the buzz.

Just over a week after Isabella was born I was leaving the country to go run a marathon in Malta.  My understanding wife had pushed me to go as I had put the training in initially and we had paid for the holiday and event.  Clare would be joined by her mum for the week who would assist with baby, food and sleep.  I don’t usually sleep on flights, but I don’t remember much of the outward journey.

After a week separated from my loves, I was eager to get back home.  I was amazed at how much Izzy had grown, but also how much Clare had become stronger and more confident.  It had only been a week, but the difference was massive.  I started to feel a little useless, where I had been the more confident one prior to my trip, Clare had moved on so much further as a mummy.  I was doing things wrong, not following set routines and struggling to follow simple procedures.  This was hard for us both, but Clare and I are so strong after everything we had been through, a little understanding was all it took and we were back functioning and the well-oiled team within days.

We had originally thought that our two bedroom apartment would suffice for the first couple of years as little Isabella would not take up too much space…we are now looking to move as the abundance of presents from family , friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends is amazing.  The support given by everyone and the love shared is really heart warming, but also space limiting. 

So one month into our new family and I cannot lie, it has been hard work…even though I had a week away.  Clare and I have slogged through some late nights, early mornings, crying on all three sides but overwhelming love has prevailed.  I know that things will get easier, but I am also well aware that it ain’t going to be soon. 

Don’t let anyone fool you, it is hard work.  You are constantly on tenterhooks as babies make the most bizarre noises and then alternatively make no noise at all.  The amount of times I have just poked her tubby belly to see if there is still movement, sat bolt upright in the middle of the night thinking I may have fallen asleep with her in my arms or struggling at 4am to stay awake whilst feeding.  On the other side though, I have spent 4 weeks a proud dad, every time you are told that she is beautiful, it gives you a glow.  Each time a random stranger makes ooohs or awwws in your general direction, I know that our little girl warrants every second of it.  It puts all the hard times into insignificance every time you see her look deep into your eyes, knowing that you are her daddy and will always be there for her.  There is no better feeling.

Four weeks have flown by and I look forward to the next turning point.  In March we go for our first mini holiday break, and we are taking the largest suitcase ever.  My stuff is in an Asda carrier bag!