Naming Ceremony

November 6th 2016

Joined by awesome family and friends from far and wide, we wanted to celebrate Isabella and the joy she brings to all of us

With both Clare and I not really having much religion in our lives, we decided not to opt for a Christening, God Parents or church surroundings.  Instead we opted for a local function room, my Uncle David as the compere and supportive parents Beewell, Rosh, Cousin Paula, Great Aunty T'Lind and Chelsey

A naming ceremony's purpose is to officially give a baby their name and to make the name known to all her friends and family.  A Naming Ceremony has an extended purpose of presenting the baby to her community and to celebrate the arrival of a new person into that community.  We all share in the joy of Isabella's arrival - just as we all share the responsibility of shaping her as a person.  Isabella needs everyone's good and caring influence as we offer her our love, our knowledge and our wisdom.  The more people whom she relates, the more balanced and rich her growth will be.

Explanation of a Name

Isabella was born at 4am on Wednesday 17th February 2016 at Bolton Royal Hospital.  Dad supported Mum through the birth and was first to put on her nappy and dress her in clothes that were far too big!

A name is very important, it distinguishes us from others and gives us a sense of belonging in our family and community.  Dad and Mum are good at making decisions, well Clare is and Danny does as he is told most of the time, but choosing a little girls name was most difficult. Penny, Chloe, Jasmine, Sabrina; they could not find the right name.  Eventually, Isabella was mentioned and loved right away, it took a lot less time to choose her middle names.

Isabella is a name with many spellings and meanings.  It is a Hebrew name that is believed to be derived from the name Elizabeth.  It means vow or oath of God.  The Bella comes from Latin and translates to beautiful

Her Middle name, Christina, was chosen by both parents for a more personal reason.  This was the name of Clare's Gran.  She would really have loved Isabella, being a caring and dedicated Gran as well as a valuable source of advice.  Finally, whilst in Egypt, Clare and Danny were on the Nile Cruise ship titled "The Grand Rose", but we needn't go into why that name was chosen!

Isabella - your name has been chosen with love and with the strength of heritage.  We therefore name you Isabella Christina Rose.  We wish you a long life and happiness in a loving and peaceful world.  May you bring joy to your parents, your family and your friends

Thank you to all who came and supported us, helped with catering and all the gifts for our little princess.

1st Christmas

Christmas Time

I have never really been a big Christmas fan, it has become so commercial and focused on money rather than the true meaning for me.  Christmas can be any day, it is just about spending time with family.

When I met Clare, Christmas became more enjoyable, Clare and her family really enjoy all that Christmas has to offer.  Her Dad is up around 3am and has a rule of "one up, all up" which was a shock to me on the first year.  We celebrated Christmas early with Clare's Mum and Partner as they are usually in Wales on the big day, normally at Clare's Dad's for Christmas Eve (with an early morning get up) and then alternated between Christmas Dinner at Clare's Dad's (after a sleep) or my Ma n Pa's.

The year we lost Spud, we didn't really feel up to much celebration so opted to go to our local curry house for Christmas Day curry.  This became our new thing, making the Christmas meal so much easier.

This year though, 2016, I got a whole new Christmas experience....let me tell you more....

Only One More Sleep 'til Christmas

A tradition I have always kept is watching The Muppet's Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve.  I have always loved the story of the Christmas Carol and think the Michael Caine and Jim Henson perfectly capture the meaning whilst also adding a little Muppet humour.  When Kermit breaks into the "One more sleep 'til Christmas" routine, my Christmas also begins.  I had the pleasure this year of sharing this moment with Isabella.  She loves colours on screen but is not really interested in TV, just like her Dad.  She has sat through Jaws and Star Wars with me, and I was looking forward to sharing this moment with her too.  Unfortunately, she did not make it all the way through as she started to doze in my arms by the 2nd ghost, but I know she enjoyed what she saw, and I look forward to continuing this tradition for future years (See Pondo 40 before 40, "Have a Family Tradition")

Our little family then had a little Christmas Mezze with nibble and bits topped up with a little port, before changing into our new Christmas PJ's (well, mine were a little Star Wars themed, but still new for Christmas).  It was time for our Little Elf to go to sleep and wait for the big day.  We set up the mince pie and rum for Father Christmas and a special carrot for Rudolph, hoping that Isabella had been a good girl.



Christmas

This is were the true meaning of Christmas shone through.  Both Clare and I awoke giddy for Isabella.  With her not really understanding what would be happening, it was down to us to enjoy. We sat her on our bed, looked at her beauty and gave her a big family kiss.  Upon entering our living
room, we checked the plate that we had laid out the night before, the rum was gone, the mince pie munched and the carrot had been crunched.  The Christmas Tree was adorned with boxes in glittering wrapping paper.

Isabella's eyes were all in wonder, she giggled and laughed as each present was opened, our eyes were full of love at every moment.  This is what I had dreamed it would be like.

We had a little break for breakfast and then went to check if Father Christmas had left his special present for Isabella.  She HAD been a good girl this year and a large box was there for her to open. We opened the present together to reveal a dancing Beat-Bo, colours, lights and dancing was on the cards, three of Isabella's favourite things.


Keeping up our new found tradition, we went to our local Indian Restaurant for our Christmas Curry, to which Isabella had poppadoms with mango chutney, sheek kebabs, palak curry and a bowl of ice cream, that's my girl!

It was then back home to play with our new toys, bath time and then off to sleep for a little Christmas Princess.

I can honestly say that this was the most special Christmas Day I have experienced.  I know that this will only get more and more exciting (and expensive) as time progresses, but we just need to remember the real spirit and meaning of the day and celebrate in our own special way.

What a difference a day makes

It's hard to believe that 6 months have passed since we came home from Bolton Hospital a trio.

The daily difference in Isabella is incredible.  She has found her smile, her giggle, her laugh and her voice.  Bath nights are a daily highlight and every morning, seeing her beautiful, beaming smile at recognition of her loving parents, sets us up for the day perfectly.

The first time we saw her smile it could have been down to wind or just an involuntary reaction, but it meant so much to us both.  This then became more a recurring reaction until the point that it has become a real character of hers.  So many people comment on how smiley a baby she is, if you just look at her and smile, Isabella will reciprocate almost immediately, and since her first two front teeth have started to form, this smile has become infinitely cuter.  The highlights of my working week are seeing her smile first thing in the morning after us all waking from deep slumber and returning home from work to see Clare and Izzy engaged in some fun activity to which she stops, looks up, recognises and smiles the biggest smile ever, Daddy is home.

Clare is doing incredible as a Mummy, always amazing.  We have both been through some hard times in the last couple of months and struggled with our relationship.  These are the things that the parenting books do not tell you about.  Guides focus on the best things for baby (which is our primary focus), but they seem to shy away from the difficulties and strains this new addition adds to the dynamic.  Clare and I as a couple were strong, loving and immensely supportive of each other but our priorities have shifted and now lie solely on our daughter.  Our nights are very rarely spent with each other, relaxing.  Either one of us is involved in some activity with Isabella, which is definitely not a bad thing, but I do miss her and miss the closeness we had.  I know this will return in time when Izzy is a little older, but for the time being I try to be the best I can for us all.

Seeing Clare with Isabella only supports the love that I have for them both.  I love Clare more each day, knowing how much she is doing for our daughter.  Clare has become an avid member of the local community children's groups taking Isabella to Baby Massage, Swim Tots, Baby Rock 'N'Roll (one of Izzy's favourites), Play Days and many more, and in doing this, they have both become close to another mummy and daughter team, Chelsea and baby Scarlett.

When I return home from work, my main tasks for the evening are bath night and sleep time.   Being a water baby myself, I think some of my love of the water has been passed down to my daughter.  She loves splashing and splishing in the bath.  So much so that when we are both absolutely drenched and as the bath time draws to a close, one little lady does not want to get out.  Isabella would happily stay in the tub for most of the night, only leaving for feeds and cuddles.  She is a water baby through and through.

Sleep time is something that is dear to my heart at this stage,  Once our little one has been bathed and fed, it is quiet time.  Knowing that little Izzy has had an adventurous day whizzing around in her walker, pulling and chasing Chewie wherever he may go and being involved in numerous activities throughout the day with Mummy it is time to reflect on the day and rejuvenate the batteries for the morning.  I pick her up and take her into the bedroom (at 6 months, Izzy moves into her own room after months with Mummy and Daddy), put her head on my shoulder and sing "The Bear Necessities" to her.  This has always been a song I love and adhere to, "Look for the bear necessities, the simple bear necessities, forget about your worries and your strife".  You don't need fancy cars and flash furniture, as long as you have love in your life.  All worries, stresses and strife can be forgotten.

Once the Bear Necessities has been enjoyed, Izzy knows that she must change cuddle position and happily slumps into my cradling arms for a rendition of Johnny Cash's "Give My Love to Rose" and Kenny Rogers' "I am the Greatest".  Once I reach the end of this triumvirate, Izzy in normally gently snoring in my arms.

Since my last update (1 month in) Isabella has been a well traveled little girl.  Her first trip was to Withernsea for Grandad's 2nd retirement party, but since then she has been to Nanny Sue's caravan in Talacre, Scunthorpe with the Family Clan, Scotland for the Colmonell Fun Run and we have a trip to Poland planned in December.  There are more trips in the planning stage, but they will be in the upcoming months.




We have put in plans for her naming ceremony and named her Supportive Parents who were all happy to accept the responsibility.  The people we chose were selected because of their outlook on life, their meaning to us and support they have given to Clare and I over the last few tumultuous years.  We are very proud to have them in our lives.  I endeavor to make a little post about the naming day as a separate entity.

Now 6 months in we have a little girl in our lives full of character, love and adventure.  She is proudly sitting up, most of the time with a little support, but there have been occasions she has done this on her own.  Rolling over with pride, eating some form of solids (Aunty Dora's pasta and pizza have been recent additions), and doing something new each day.

Instructions not included

Our first month with Isabella

We arrived home from the hospital still checking our hand outs for the instruction manual.  Although seemingly prepared for what lay ahead, as we crossed the threshold to our 2 bedroom apartment, we had left as a couple and returned a triple.

My brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew had ventured from the warmer climes of the country to join us on this momentous day and were waiting at my parents house for notification that we had settled and were ready for a quick visit.

Little Tiny Isabella first settled into my little niece’s arms, snug but so tiny.  I remember holding my niece for the very first time many years ago and being in the same rigid, uncomfortable position for fear of breaking such a tiny and fragile object.  She was now here, looking proud and holding her cousin with adoration.

Once Aunty Sazzer, Uncle Bro, my littlest nephew, Nanner and Granddad all had their cuddles it was time to call it a night.  We knew that Isabella, whilst sleepy, had an eventful night ahead and we needed to prepare. 

All I remember was sitting staring at her for pretty much most of the night, how could she be so perfect.  Our daughter, our princess, ours to keep, cherish and adore forever.

Isabella had plans for us over the coming nights, she wanted company throughout the early hours and she would not let us sleep.  We worked out that this could be down to an oversight with Clare’s continuing injections.  Throughout the pregnancy, Clare had to be on a blood thinning injection called Fragmin, and although painful whilst being administered it gave Clare a little boost.  Normally injected in the morning, Clare was buzzing for the rest of the afternoon, however after the cervical stitch was put in place the injections moved to an evening.  From this point on Clare struggled to sleep for long most nights.  This adrenaline buzz could be being passed to Isabella via breast feeding hence the hyperactivity in the twilight hours.  We decided to move her onto formula only to avoid her becoming addicted to the buzz.

Just over a week after Isabella was born I was leaving the country to go run a marathon in Malta.  My understanding wife had pushed me to go as I had put the training in initially and we had paid for the holiday and event.  Clare would be joined by her mum for the week who would assist with baby, food and sleep.  I don’t usually sleep on flights, but I don’t remember much of the outward journey.

After a week separated from my loves, I was eager to get back home.  I was amazed at how much Izzy had grown, but also how much Clare had become stronger and more confident.  It had only been a week, but the difference was massive.  I started to feel a little useless, where I had been the more confident one prior to my trip, Clare had moved on so much further as a mummy.  I was doing things wrong, not following set routines and struggling to follow simple procedures.  This was hard for us both, but Clare and I are so strong after everything we had been through, a little understanding was all it took and we were back functioning and the well-oiled team within days.

We had originally thought that our two bedroom apartment would suffice for the first couple of years as little Isabella would not take up too much space…we are now looking to move as the abundance of presents from family , friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends is amazing.  The support given by everyone and the love shared is really heart warming, but also space limiting. 

So one month into our new family and I cannot lie, it has been hard work…even though I had a week away.  Clare and I have slogged through some late nights, early mornings, crying on all three sides but overwhelming love has prevailed.  I know that things will get easier, but I am also well aware that it ain’t going to be soon. 

Don’t let anyone fool you, it is hard work.  You are constantly on tenterhooks as babies make the most bizarre noises and then alternatively make no noise at all.  The amount of times I have just poked her tubby belly to see if there is still movement, sat bolt upright in the middle of the night thinking I may have fallen asleep with her in my arms or struggling at 4am to stay awake whilst feeding.  On the other side though, I have spent 4 weeks a proud dad, every time you are told that she is beautiful, it gives you a glow.  Each time a random stranger makes ooohs or awwws in your general direction, I know that our little girl warrants every second of it.  It puts all the hard times into insignificance every time you see her look deep into your eyes, knowing that you are her daddy and will always be there for her.  There is no better feeling.

Four weeks have flown by and I look forward to the next turning point.  In March we go for our first mini holiday break, and we are taking the largest suitcase ever.  My stuff is in an Asda carrier bag!

Waiting for our minute

They say that there is one born every minute, and before we leave Bolton Hospital we would like to have had ours, when this minute happens though is completely out of our hands.

We arrived early as usual to our appointment for induction and the whole plan of action was laid out to military standards...

A quick monitor of baby to hear the soothing sounds of the heartbeats.  Depending on everything being fine, a pessary will be put on place to encourage a hormonal change of the cervix.  This can take up to 24 hours, although there was a young girl in the bed next to Clare who had been in hospital since Saturday (3 days earlier) and had not moved any further down the line.  Monitoring will continue throughout the day and a further pessary may have to be administered if nothing happens.  All is in the hands of the midwifery team now, but as I said, Clare will not be leaving this hospital until Baby D is part of our family.  The main reason behind this is the reason why Clare is being induced.  Due to her blood condition, there is a higher risk of blood clots at a later stage of the pregnancy that could be detrimental to both Clare and Baby.  It is imperative that Baby D joins us or things could get tricky.

Just after 11am, the first pessary was added and the Pregnancy Olympics began.  Time for serious power walking, bouncing balls and Pregnant Pilates.  Our first event was the 100m waddle, up and down the ward corridors trying to beat our personal records.

Our second event was the inflatable ball bounce.  Jigging up and down on the huge balls whilst watching Judge Rinder.  We were coming to the conclusion of the first case, a ruined painting and the artist claiming for damages when Clare commented that her back was giving her a little pain.  She decided that it was time to lie down and have a rest.  I never did find out what happened to the painting.

Not long after we were back on the monitor noticing that the contractions had increased in frequency and strength.  The Toca readings were peaking around the 30-40 mark.  All of a sudden Clare's face became flustered.....35....noises started emanating that I had never heard before.....45....the groans turned to pains....60...all of a sudden, Clare's eyes glazed over...80, 60, 50, 30, back into the 10's, "I think something just happened", Clare said, it had, her waters had broken.

The contractions became more frequent and more painful as the hours progressed, and it was here that I entered the "completely useless" stage of my journey, All I could do was offer a hand to squeeze and offer pointless words of comfort.  In complete adoration of my wonderful Clare and everything she had gone and was about to go through, all I could do was be there for her whenever she needed me.

Our midwife on this first part of our long journey was Hayley, incredibly informed, perfectly personable and a real asset to the ward.  It also turned out that Clare knew her husband from their school days.

Soon the contractions had increased in frequency and had become immensely painful that gas and air had to be administered.  This was when Clare started her next euphoric stage.

We had been told that the Central Delivery Suite was busy and we were waiting for a room to become available.  The girl who had been in since Saturday was still on the ward with us, so we knew a wait could be before us.  Thankfully, Clare's case had become more urgent and as soon as a room was available we jumped the queue.  The only room that was available was D8, this was the room that our son, Spud, was born in only a few years earlier, the room that has been offered to us, emotionally, each time we have been to the hospital for procedures and we have declined.  We accepted that this was Spud's way of telling us to move on, Baby D would be born in the same room as her brother and would carry on his memory

The pain only increased as the time progressed and the power of the gas and air was having little effect.  Diamorphine was the next step on the pain reduction scale and was injected into her thigh with almost immediate effects. Although not completely subsiding, the pains of the contractions were reduced, for now

The next step was to add a little sticky tape to Baby D's head to monitor heartbeat and contractions a little more accurately.  Our midwives on for this final journey were Barbara and Student Midwife Stephanie.  They both became permanent residents in D8 and provided excellent one-to-one care and attention to Clare and even put up with my constant questioning and writing (for this blog)

Another hour of so passed and with them the pains seemed to be increasing.  The diamorphine was wearing off and our new, more precise heartbeat monitor had changed from the soothing whoops and swooshes we were used to and become more of a rhythmic metronome.

Clare had decided that the pain was too much, too intense to continue and requested the next level of pain relief, an epidural.  After a consultation with the anesthetist things seemed to progress fairly quickly.  Moments later, the largest needle I have ever seen was produced.  Thankfully, as it later turned out, it was only to administer the relief through a cannula that had been inserted into Clare's spine, within 10 minutes Clare was snoring.  I think the Epidural had worked it's magic.  The pain that was evident in Clare's eyes diminished within a matter of minutes, after a few more minutes Clare was back with us and requesting tea and toast.  It had been a long day so far and we were both feeling tired, although I had no excuse but needed to keep my energy up purely for cheer leading and supporting duties.  With the occasional pressure of administering a dampened flannel at the correct temperature to Clare's brow, I was still feeling completely useless.

At just short of 1am, 16 hours after our journey had started at Bolton Hospital this morning.  A quick check of the Clare's cervix revealed that things were moving in the right direction.  The metronome heart beat still ticking rhythmically, contractions still occurring 5 in 10 (I had learnt so many new phrases in relation to pregnancy and this was another to add to the list). With Barbara and Stephanie still looking after us we prepared for what lay ahead.  Still a couple of hours, it feels very strange that we are now thinking in hours, not days, weeks, or even months, just hours.  I remember when we first found out about Baby D and the thought of what lay ahead was inconceivable, how could we deal with the stress, worries and problems that lay ahead, how could we ever reach the end of those 9 months....here we are, hours and minutes away

The ryhthmic tick tocks had become a little concern around 3am and further investigations were needed.  Baby D had stopped enjoying the experience and was in slight discomfort.  A range of options varying in severity were presented, but all of these depended on the result of a FBS (Fetal Blood Snap - another pregnancy phrase to add to the book).  This meant a little pin prick on Baby D's head after a numbing agent was applied, the blood was then drawn and tested.

1. If the blood came back with no concern then the monitoring would continue via the heartbeat monitor and everything would proceed as normal
2. If the blood came back with slight concerns then pushing would be advised and a gentle easing of Baby D via a suction cup to help deliver quicker
3. If the blood came back with serious concerns then Clare would be going into surgery for a C-Section

All of the above scenarios resulted in Baby D with us very soon, but they added increased concern to Clare.

The blood results came back and although they were all normal, the heart rate was still a concern so a descision was made.  Clare would be able to follow a normal pushing route, but if nothing happened in 10 minutes then the dyson hoover was coming out.  No pressure then!

No longer than 7 minutes later, suction commenced

After 12 hours of feeling pretty useless and superfluous I had the ultimate privilege of telling Clare that our newest family member was a little princess and I cut the umbilical cord that tied all the past turmoil and pain. 

At 4:22am on the 17th February 2016, Baby Isabella Christina Rose was brought into our lives,  Baby D has a name, a mum and a dad, a gaggle of grandparents who arrived a 5am to meet their miracle grandchild, and uncles, cousins, an amazing family waiting to meet our little princess.

She is worth every second.

Our Difficult Journey

An Introduction

I met Clare in January 2010 after arranging a meeting through Match.com.  I had been using the dating site for 6 months and had been on a few dates, but was seeing no success I was ready for calling it a day, that is when Clare sent me a little wink.  Clare had just come back from working abroad and wanted to meet new people so thought she would see what Match had to offer.  I sent her an email which she couldn't read unless she paid the joining fee of £29.99, it was money well spent.

In October 2011, whilst on holiday in Las Vegas, I proposed to Clare in our room in the Mirage Hotel overlooking the fabulous strip.  I had planned to propose whilst watching the Bellagio Fountains, but when we got there it seemed a little too "Romantic Film Cliched", my next thought was to take her for a lovely meal and propose in the restaurant, but we overslept due to jet lag.  On our return to the hotel, I looked out of our window and was just taken aback by the view so I asked Clare to join me a take in this amazing vista.  The moment felt right and I got down on one knee and asked her to be mine forever. Thankfully she said "Yes" and our journey together set a whole new course.

We married in 2012 at the Holiday Inn, Bolton much to the surprise of all our family and friends who because of our jet setting lifestyle thought we would be abroad somewhere. Little did they know, we nearly got married the day after I proposed in Vegas at the Chapel of Bells.  Our wedding felt like a party from the moment we woke up till the time we went to sleep, and we know the family that joined us felt the same way too.  Our personalities we portrayed perfectly throughout the day and people just smiled and laughed.  Life could not be better, I had just married my greatest friend, someone who understands me, accepts me with all my many flaws and pushes me to achieve goals I would never have thought possible.

A few months later we were on a choppy ferry travelling across from Sorrento to Capri and Clare was feeling very sea sick, but so were most of the passengers.  As I said, it was very choppy.  The sickness did not pass and even though Capri is a stunning place, Clare could not focus as she was dreading the return journey.  I tried to distract her by being my usual silly self and although she wasn't sick on the route back there was still a feeling of nausea. We decided check to see if we had been blessed by doing a pregnancy test, just in case, and the result came back positive.  Our lives were like a fairy tale we just didn't realise for the next few years it was to be more Grimm than Disney

7 weeks later we were in A&E unsure of what to expect, Clare had a bleed and we could only think the worst.  Thankfully, we were told that some women have bleeds during pregnancy and we should just keep an eye on things as baby was doing fine. The bleeds happened within a two week period for the remaining months.  The 12 week scan showed us our little baby was growing well and there were no issues, so this put our minds at rest.  We both commented that on the picture given to us by the Sonographer that the baby looked like a little potato, so we called it "Spud".  Clare was forced to finish work as she had no energy and was struggling to function most days, we put this down to her struggling with the pregnancy and the bleeds not helping.  The night before our 20 weeks scan, Clare was feeling very unwell so went to bed early.  At midnight she woke me feeling terrible, I rang the emergency midwife who advised us to take paracetamol and see how she feels in the morning.  Whilst on the phone to the midwife, Clare's waters broke and we rushed to hospital.

Our son Spud was born August 30th 2013 at 2:40am, sleeping.

This devastated our family and friends but words cannot describe what it did to us.  I knew I had to be there to support Clare but needed to grieve myself as well.  The pressure put on our relationship was severe. I can honestly say, the next 12 months were the hardest of my life, but worth every second.  They made me appreciate what life had to offer, how lucky I was to have Clare and how strong our relationship had become.  Without Clare I know I would not have made it through as positively as I did, and i know the feeling is mutual from Clare's side too.

Clare was diagnosed with Factor V Leiden, a blood disorder that causes clots.  This is a genetic disorder that Clare had lived all her life with and never known about.

Over the next two years we were blessed three more times, and had our hearts broken on all three occasions.

We saw an Angel's heart beating at 8 weeks but was told at the 12 week scan that it had passed at 9 weeks.  With the amazing help of Bolton, our next pregnancy was found to be ectopic and Clare's right tube removed.  The fourth was a failed pregnancy that did not continue passed the 4 week period.

We both knew that Clare's body needed to heal as well as our minds.  We had been pushed more than a newly wedded couple should be and although it had put undue pressure on our marriage we were stronger than ever, closer than ever and proof that we are perfect for each other.

After losing a considerable amount of weight, focusing on our health, Clare and I went to Egypt for a Cruise and Stay in May 2015.  On our return, Clare had an inkling to do a pregnancy test, it came back very positive.  Due to our history, Clare was scanned and it was confirmed, what looked like a little Haribo bear was floating around in Clare's womb. The thing that confused the sonographer is that the egg had come from the right ovary, the ovary that had no tube as it was removed after the ectopic pregnancy.  The egg had no delivery system, a little miracle baby.

With a few stressful months still to go, regular scans every two weeks and daily injections, every day is one step closer to the our healthy baby joining our family in January/February 2016.  We know it will be one hell of a journey but can we only stay positive, support each other and with the help of family and friends push towards that final goal.

This is our story so far...

Diary of a New Dad will be my own personal journey into fatherhood and beyond.

Stitches

Tuesday 2nd February

This date had been in our diary for a good 3 months, a date we never thought would come and one we didn't think we would reach if it hadn't have been for the stitch that was put in place all those weeks ago.  The 2nd of February marked the day of the removal.

Both Clare and I awoke very early, possibly through excitement for the day ahead, but realistically through anticipation and anxiety.  We received a massive amount of support from family and friends, even getting a phone call from my Ma who is holidaying in Australia.  Ma had just come out of an OAP screening of Star Wars, so was a little giddy.

We had been to a few monitoring scans prior to this date (see baby heartbeats) and Clare's pains had been linked to contractions.  These contractions were increasing in frequency and strength, baby had finally moved from a breach position to a positive "Ready for Launch" position.  It was if everything was aligning for the special date.

Clare was thankful of the night off from the Fragmin injection in preparation for the pending procedure and with our bags packed and loaded in the car ready, we were fully planned for the inevitable.

We arrived earlier than expected at the Maternity Unit and headed towards our friends at the scan unit.  The morning scan confirmed baby was perfectly engaged, my excitement levels were reaching a pinnacle point.   Baby was measuring at 7lb 7oz, looking to have adopted the Donovan family cranium and larger than expected at this stage of the pregnancy, everything looking great. We then checked in with a new consultant and went through our entire story.  The Central Delivery Suite was full again, so we were moved to M2 to wait for availability.  Our thoughts were the same as the consultants, midwifes and scan staff, once the stitch that held the cervix for so many months was removed, Baby D would be joining us.  We needed to make sure everything was prepped and ready.

Whilst waiting on M2, I noticed all the current residents involved in what I can only be described as "The Pregnant Olympics".  Pacing up and down the corridors with varying size bumps, huffing and puffing and hoping that the next available slot was theirs, bouncing on big blue balls scattered around the wards with partners rubbing their backs with encouraging yet panicked faces, various inducing floor exercises that looked like turtles trying to right themselves to a standing position.  All of this, whilst slightly amusing, was an insight into our position to come

After a couple of hours sat on the ward waiting, a doctor approached us with ominous equipment.  A large workman's industrial torch and implements of pain and torture.  The stitch was coming out right here, right now.  Both Clare and I were a little concerned to the bombastic approach and without little concern or preparation on our side, the doctor was ready.  Seeing the pain in Clare's eyes  as the procedure was taking place was immeasurably difficult.  Knowing that this was for the greater good, but causing Clare to writhe in agony,  After 12 weeks of doing a superb job, the stitch was eventually removed,  With the little preparation time given and inevitable blood loss, we were a little annoyed at the state Clare was left in by the doctor, and would have much preferred things to have been organised.

We were told to remain still for one hour to hopefully cease the bleeding  and then Clare would be joining the sprint section of the Pregnant Olympics, a 100 metre corridor waddle consisting of as many laps as possible.  I was there to coach and offer advice, however, this was seen as more of an annoyance rather than positive encouragement.

With what we and the rest of Bolton Hospital staff thought inevitable, what we had been preparing for all day long, what our families at home and abroad were checking their phones for, didn't happen. The couple of hours of monitoring passed and the call came to check out and go home.  I was fully expecting to get minutes away from home and waters break, settle in for the night and waters break, just be falling asleep and waters break, they didn't.

Clare and I were exhausted, we had been expecting elation and exitement all day long and nothing.  Once we had returned home we also returned to a normal state of being, just Clare and I, no extra patter of feet.  Drained from what the day had brought, I had to nudge Clare early into the evening as my shoulder was wet through from drool.  We were both drained and ready to call it a night.

baby heatbeats

Entering the third trimester meant brought a new experience in the pregnancy.  Listening to the whoop whoops of the baby heart beat.  I find it very therapeutic and relaxing, Clare is constantly looking at the numbers and worrying (well, most of the time)

It all started in January 2016.  Clare was getting used to the daily movements and jiggles that her little resident liked to do.  We both enjoyed watching her belly move and jiggle at random intervals and there is nothing a satisfying yet strangely unnerving at feeling the baby move from.  At first the experience was a little too much for me to take in, but as the movements progress it is a daily routine

On the 11th January 2016, we had not seen these movement and jiggles for a good 24-48 hours so concerns started to kick in.  With what we have been through in the last 3 years, we knew the hospital would not mind just doing a little check for us, so with Chewie's bags packed we dropped him off with my Auntie for babysitting and off we went to Maternity Triage

As soon as we were on the monitor we relaxed.  Baby was wriggling and jiggling away without a care in the world and the heart beat was pulsing perfectly.  With my Ma n Pa in Australia and Clare's folks on tenterhooks, we updated them and told them not to panic, all is fine.  There were 3 other ladies in the triage room, all hooked up the their own monitors, each producing the rhythmic whooping.  It feels like you are swimming, head submerged and just listening to the world go by.  As I said, immensely soothing...for me.

We collected little Chewie and returned home feeling much more confident and secure.

3 days later, I was in meetings in my new role at Bunzl.  Knowing that Clare's dad was spending the afternoon with her, I was happy to put my phone on silent so I could focus on the new role.  After a monstrous 3 hour meeting, I checked my mobile, 2 missed calls and a message saying "Call me". My heart stopped.  I rang Clare's mobile, twice, no answer.  I rang home, no answer, I rang Clare's Dad, "Everything is fine, Clare has not felt the baby move and was worrying so I took her to triage". 

Breathe!

The phone is not going on silent anymore

Thankfully, again, everything was fine although baby may have turned from the breach position to a more enganged "launch" position.  The pains Clare is feeling could also be contractions.  The hospital decided that this is something they cannot ignore and arranged for Clare to come back on Monday's and Thursday's until the stitch is removed on 2nd Feb 

On the 18th Clare was informed that the contractions were either genuine (as they were still happening) or they could be Braxton Hicks.  She was told to go home and relax and return in a couple of days....relax?

Sunday 31st January.

Clare had not been feeling great all morning, even turning down our traditional Sunday full English for fear of being sick, and will no feeling of baby movements we decided to give maternity a quick call.

We were on M2 minutes later hooked up to the monitoring system yet again. With potential contractions and baby's heart beat doing fine we were advised to wait for a doctors opinion before calling it a day.  The life saving stitch was due to come out in two days, but if the contractions and pains continued it may need to be removed a little earlier.

The registrar arrived and looked at the monitor readings.  Her decision was to removed the stitch and keep Clare in over night with the idea of a scan in the morning to determine the baby position and then go from there.  Phone calls to the family began, explaining what was about to happen.  The realisation that things are happening actually hit home, I was excited, elated but also petrified! I know Clare was feeling the same.

10 minutes later the registrar returned...there is no room at the inn and the kings are not enroute.  The stitch will be staying in place and the plan of removal on Tuesday remains.  Back on the phone to family, breathe again, relax!

Since this date, we have had 4 new monitor sessions, baby is still in the correct position, however the contractions have now stopped.  Baby is content, baby is staying put for now....